I first purchased life insurance over 25 years ago, shortly after starting my first “real” salaried job at the Pittsburgh Computer Store.
At the time was I contributed about 50% to our household income and had decent credit. My wife, on the other hand, had awful credit due to her ex-husband’s business failures and didn’t earn enough to support our family on her income alone.
I figured, if I died, she would need a cushion to help for while.
I started with 100K in whole life insurance. The next year, I cancelled the whole life and switched to a term policy for $250K which was much cheaper.
As I moved up the career ladder, my income grew to eventually exceed my wife’s income and be sufficient to support us entirely. I convinced her to retire and I became our sole income provider.
Around that time, I started thinking that if I died I would like my wife to be taken care of for the rest of her life:
- All debt should be paid off (no credit card payments, no loans, no car payments)
- The house should be paid off (no mortgage).
- The remaining money should be invested and capable of sustaining her living expenses for the rest of her life.
I found a 20 year Term policy for $800/year that paid out $1 Million if I died. At the end of the 20 year period, if I lived, the policy value was zero.
I took it and breathed a sigh of relief.
This brought me great comfort. No matter what happened to me, I knew my wife (and stepson) would be financially well off if I died.
Over the next 15 years, I was able to earn even more and turn around our financial situation. We paid off our debt, built up savings and lived within our means.
I felt a tremendous satisfaction knowing my wife would be well off with or without me.
It gave me a sense of purpose, a mission and a drive.
And then she died.
A few months after her death, my stepson told me he no longer wanted anything to do with me.
Suddenly I found myself without anyone relying on me financially or emotionally.
I planned to let my life insurance lapse the next year but then the Covid pandemic struck and I decided to renew my policy just in case I died from Covid. For me, it would be sweet justice to know my death was worth $1M dollars and that 25 years of paying a premium had paid off for someone.
I changed my policy beneficiaries to my sister, my mother and a friend.
Then I lived through the pandemic.
Today, I have no one relying on me financially. I didn’t die from Covid. So this month, instead of paying my annual premium, I let my term insurance policy expire.
I considered renewing it “just in case” I meet someone and fall in love again because I’ll never qualify for a low insurance rate again due to my age.
But I see the world in a different light today. I no longer plan for what ifs or just in case.
I may never meet someone. In fact, I’m not sure I even want another permanent, long term, committed relationship ever again.
I have no one to care for and thus have no need for life insurance.
I do have a will. It clearly spells out my wishes for how my estate should be distributed when I die. My beneficiaries are all aware of my wishes.
Let’s face it – nobody wants my stuff. They will donate or throw all of it out most likely. Which is fine by me. After getting rid of everything to live on the road, I have kept my possessions to a minimum and have little attachment to stuff.
My beneficiaries will be happy to inherit my house, car and any left over money for sure.
I’m happy for them to have it if/when I die. Maybe it will make their lives a little bit better.
I’ve asked them to take care of my dogs if I die and hope these also provide an incentive for this.
But even if they don’t, I’ll be dead and have no control over it.
It is weird to live this way. After nearly 30 years of finding meaning and purpose in taking care of my wife and family, I now only have two dogs to care for.
Let’s face it, that’s a much easier, simpler and shorter commitment.
I never expected to outlive my wife.
That makes no sense since she was 19 years older than me and had serious health issues spanning our final 15 years together.
Nonetheless, I fully expected I would die first. Some days I wish I had.
But not today.
Life has been pretty fantastic for me this past year. I have grown to enjoy living a life of self directed solitude and action.
If I died today, I’d die in peace. I fulfilled my obligations, demonstrated my love to my wife and my step kids and have lived a full life.
I thought my life would be much different. It’s not bad. Much of the time it is fantastic. But it certainly has not turned out the way I expected.