Several of the comedy podcasts I listen to talk about dating and relationships – a lot. I guess that’s because dating is a popular topic among the “key market demo” (aka Millennials and Gen Z’s…not me). No doubt, like life coaches, podcasters can also become an expert just by saying they are one. No credentials, experience or expertise required.
These podcasters do dating app profile makeovers. They discuss how to select photos, what prompts to use, what to say and not to say on profiles. They critique text messages between daters. They make suggestions for how to determine if people are a good match, how to find a “relationship” vs. a hookup and what’s a deal breaker. They weigh the merits of one dating vs. another.
A common thread through all of these podcasts, many of which are funny, is that podcasters, guests and people seeking advice all complain about how frustrating the dating app experience is.
Here’s the thing – for most people, dating apps suck. They aren’t designed to create meaningful, romantic, loving relationships. They are to designed to get people to use the app as much as possible.
So all of the effort put into dating profile makeovers, choosing better prompts and editing photos is a waste of time.
Instead, if everyone is finding that dating apps are frustrating and are not giving them the results they want it’s clear what the problem is. Dating apps suck.
Tweaking how you use them doesn’t make them suck less.
Relationships require regular, direct, face-to-face interactions with other people. Without that, unless you’re in the top 10% of most attractive/wealthiest/famous people on the apps, your chances of success are as bad as a lottery ticket.
And don’t kid yourself. Many of us aren’t close to the top 10%. We’re probably less than average. Maybe even kinda ugly.
My solution to realizing that dating apps suck was to stop using them. It has worked out great. Before I used dating apps, I had no good dates. While I was using them, I had a few mediocre dates and one great one, but nothing worked out. Now that I don’t use them, I have absolutely no frustrations with the apps at all.
Simple.
As for dating, my position currently is that I don’t date. That may change someday, but if it does, it won’t be due to a dating app.