Since my wife passed away a little over 5 years ago, I’ve received many invitations from friends (both new and old) for social outings, parties, trips, clubs, and events. I’m flattered every time someone thinks enough of me to extend an invitation.
With few exceptions, I decline all of them.
The first year, I couldn’t handle it. I was still grieving the loss of my wife. The thought of participating in social situations was unbearable. Then, a few months later, Covid hit and most get togethers were off the table for several years.
As things got back to normal, I started getting invitations again. And even though I am no longer in the throes of grief nor under pandemic restrictions, I decline all of them.
I’d rather be home with my dogs. I prefer to stick to my normal daily routines. I’m not seeking social contact, adventure, companionship or entertainment.
I know that if I keep turning down invitations, eventually they’ll stop coming.
I’m good with that. I’m not looking for friends.
For a few years, I thought that I ”should” expand my social circle.
I no longer think this. I am not the least bit lonely.
I am not a misanthrope. Nor was I always a loner.
I enjoyed having close friends, girlfriends, and being married.
All of those social relationships added to my life, and theirs. I miss them. I miss those specific people, making memories, and the sharing the laughs and hardships. They were great, but those chapters of my life have closed.
Still, I find it interesting that I’m not craving new relationships.
I enjoy the casual friendships I have. These provide me with sufficient social contact. Even though I am a clearly a loner, I’m not a reclusive hermit. I’ve created casual, light friendships with more than 50 people in the past 5 years.
I’ve maintained friendships with 3 longterm friends who all live in my old hometown. We’ve gone from in person friends to phone friends. Our shared history connects us but our physical location limits the friendships.
Which is fine with me and them too. We are all traversing our own paths.
So if you’re reading this and we’re friends, please know I appreciate you thinking of me. I’m flattered you want to want to make a detour on your vacation to visit me. I don’t take your attempts to deepen our friendship lightly. They are meaningful and kind.
But I’ll likely decline them all.
Don’t take it personally.
