I had an in-person date recently with a woman I met on a dating app. Before we met we chatted online and by phone. We had much in common and were attracted to each other (or each other’s profiles, at least).
When met for coffee, I tried to be charming. I was open, curious, and interested in getting to know her. I was excited to meet her. I wanted us to make a connection.
An hour later she had “unmatched” me online while I was simultaneously sending her a text saying I didn’t feel a romantic connection.
What the heck just happened?
After several months of first dates (and a few multiple dates) with other women, I was disappointed.
I thought about this experience the next morning. Why was I attracted to her until I met her?
Although she looked slightly more attractive in her profile pictures, she didn’t look that much different in person. Nothing she said during our coffee date was particularly off-putting or alarming. I just felt no sparks. Clearly she didn’t either.
Then it hit me.
In all of her pictures, she was smiling. She seemed full of joy and life.
But when we met in person, she never smiled. Perhaps she was disappointed instantly when she met me because she felt no sparks. Perhaps she was having a bad day. Perhaps she’d been on too many first dates and was tired of it all.
I’ll never know.
What I do know is that she seemed like a nice woman with a somewhat miserable attitude.
It was a total turn off.
As I thought some more, I realized that everyone I’ve dated looked happy in their profiles. I wouldn’t try to date a woman if she didn’t seem happy.
Almost every woman I’ve “matched” with is articulate and educated. In chats and texts they are charming, expressive and clever. Phone calls have been hit and miss, but none have been bad.
But I cannot determine if someone is happy via texts, chats and phone calls.
So along with being passionate, happiness seems to be a key factor in whether I’m attracted to a woman or not.
One of the women I dated was so sad that the depth of her sadness poured from her eyes when we met. I just wanted to wrap her up in a big hug and tell her everything would be ok. Another was full of anxiety. Another hadn’t recovered from her divorce years earlier. Another seemed bored. Another suffered from some significant mental health issues. Two seemed quite comfortable in their lives as independent, single women. None of these relationships progressed beyond a few dates.
I think if any of these women had been willing to give it a shot, I would have dated them more to see if we could make things work. After all, everyone has problems. If we were committed to a relationship, I’m willing to put in effort to make it work.
I think a big factor is the “blind dates”. Because we have never met before, we have no relationship. I guess the women I am dating aren’t interested in working towards one, if they don’t feel something strong and special at the first meeting.
I can’t say for certain that I would either. I’d like to think I’d be willing to go on at least a few dates to get to know someone little better and see what develops.
But so far, this has only happened with 2 women who I immediately felt “sparks” with and 1 woman who I thought I could grow to feel this way about (she, on the other hand, told me she felt no romantic connection and called it off after our 2nd date).
Time will tell I suppose.
Maybe I’ll get lucky and meet that woman who makes my heart race and whose own heart races when she sees me. It’s happened to me before and I’m optimistic it can happen again.
I’d be OK with that.