I don’t keep in touch with any of my friends from high school.
With a few exceptions, I never hear from any of my former work colleagues.
None of my old girlfriends ever contact me.
Former neighbors never call.
I have moved a lot, switching schools, jobs and neighborhoods. I am accustomed to losing contact with the people who used to be in my life.
Perhaps if I made more an effort, I wouldn’t lose touch. I’ve made such an effort in the past. But when you never see a person in real life, the phone calls become less regular, the emails less frequent and the friendship less close.
Out of sight, out of mind. Or, perhaps more compassionately stated, proximity and face-time are key factors that sustain friendships.
I understand this and accept it.
Still, I was caught by surprise a few days ago when I realized that someone I know has been “ghosting” me. At first I thought it was just a coincidence of timing and not connecting by phone for a few weeks. But our last text exchange made me think it’s more than that.
This friend doesn’t seem interested in staying connected anymore.
For a few hours, I was upset – wondering if I said something or did something. Then I thought, “This is nothing new. I’ve been “ghosted” by this friend before.”
Since my friend is clearly not interested in staying connected, I’ll stop trying.
I certainly don’t have an abundance of close friends, but I talk to people nearly every day who are interested in connecting in some small way. We talk when walking the dog, running into each other at the store or when getting the mail. Many of them I know and see all the time. It’s a bright spot in my day to talk to them.
Life is too short for me to bang my head against the wall trying to maintain a friendship with someone who isn’t Interested.
I’m sure my old friend has similar relationships in his life with people who he sees all the time too. Our paths crossed and our lives intersected a long time ago. Today we live in different worlds.
It would be better to actually have a conversation about this and say goodbye. But in my experience, that rarely happens.
So it’s OK that he’s ghosting me.
I’m used to it.