Two women I dated this past month lived in a town 30 miles way from me. With traffic, that means every time I visited them, I’d be commuting for at least 2 hours and 60 miles road-trip.
The Phone Caller was one of them. I really felt a connection with her. We had several good phone calls and a friendly, laid back, comfortable lunch date in a city halfway between both of our homes. We had a 2nd date planned in her town for this week.
The other woman met me for coffee and it appears that mutually felt there wasn’t a connection. I sent her a “break up” text after our date. She never responded but had already “unmatched me” online.
During the past week, while waiting for the Phone Caller to be available for our second date, all I could think about was the commute- 45 minutes each way if there was no traffic. An hour or more if there was traffic.
I thought about leaving my home at 4PM to sit in rush hour traffic so we could meet for dinner. I thought about driving home at night, on dark roads when I was tired or elated or exhausted or full of adrenaline.
I thought about going from a daily commute of less than 10 miles to/from the pool to losing several hours of time and spending it on the road.
I thought about how we were both well established in our communities and ho unlikely it was that either of us would want to move.
I thought about how nice it was when I dated women who lived nearby. I could jump in my car and see them in 10 minutes. We could meet for an impromptu walk or last minute lunch. I thought about deriving home bleary eyed at 1AM, grateful I was only 5 miles away.
And so I cancelled our date and ended my budding relationship with the Phone Caller.
I was going to call a friend first to run it by him and get his advice. But then I realized I’d been worrying about this for weeks.
I didn’t’t need his advice.
I just didn’t want to do it.
But I did and TPC responded exactly as I expected, with charm, grace and understanding.
What a bummer. If we lived closer together, this might have worked out well between us.
I suspect she will find someone who is a good match and I suspect I will too.
Lesson learned: I changed my dating profiles to limit candidates to a 10 miles radius from my home. This means I’ll be presented with fewer potential matches.
I’d rather be alone that subject myself to a commute that is worse than any I’d ever had when I was working.
As soon as I sent the “breakup text” I felt a wave of relief. Not because I questioned the relationship, but because I had dealt with the issue that had been plaguing me for weeks (the commute).