My 86 year old girlfriend baked a batch of homemade cookies and texted me to stop by to pick up some for Valentine’s Day. When I did, she invited me to sit and visit with her for a while, as usual.
We talked about about a bunch of stuff – families, raising kids, money and marriage, updates on the neighbors, roof leaks, school shootings and health. She’s good company, as am I. We both know how to maintain a lively conversation.
I found out that she’s no longer my 86 year old girlfriend – she just turned 89! After she told me that she said, “By the way, if you ever stop over and I am on the floor, don’t call 911.”
She went on to detail some of her chronic and serious health problems. She told me about two relatives who lingered for decades in vegetative states before dying. She doesn’t want that for herself.
She said that she already signed a DNR and that she’s at peace when her time comes. I told her I understood and if I happened to find her, I’d alert her friends and her son.
Then we moved onto other topics of conversations.
Reflecting on this later, I was struck with how nonchalantly we discussed her wishes. As a widow who’s had some serious health problems for years, she’s had time to think about this. I’m sure that I am not the first person she’s discussed her DNR with.
But I might be one of the only people she told who thinks about death every day. For me, this conversation not only makes perfect sense, it does not stir up any kind of unease. If anything, I’m impressed with her general positive attitude matched with her lack of fear of death. I share both.