Father’s Day is this weekend. It’s one of my least favorite of all the “Hallmark Holidays” that were created to to “celebrate” with the purchase of a cheesy overpriced card and an unwanted gift.
When my step kids were living with me, they’d make me cards for Father’s Day that said sweet things. When they were older and lived apart from us, they’d always call me to wish a Happy Father’s Day. Father’s Day was never very meaningful to me, but I appreciated them making an effort.
I always felt like if they wanted to talk to me, they could call me any time, not just on Father’s Day. They always managed to call when they wanted (or needed) something – especially money.
I used to say (and truly believed) that they were my kids. Now that I’m older, I realize they weren’t. They were my step kids. Their “real” father was active in their lives the entire time. There were clear lines. I was not their father. I was their mother’s husband. After my wife died, my stepson told me he wanted nothing to do with me.
I’m surprisingly fine with this. In fact, after the initial shock and sadness, I am grateful. He’s a grown man as am I. Our values, morals and behavior are quite divergent. It is easier with him out of my life.
Which brings me to the other half of Father’s Day – my dad.
As I wrote before, my father and I have no relationship. As I was thinking about Father’s Day today, I was thinking about the child support my father sent to my mother to support me. I ran the math based on what I recall.
He paid $75/month to my mother from when he abandoned us when I was 5 until the day I graduated high school when I was 18.
By my calculations, he paid $900 a year to “support me and my sister” for 13 years. $11,700 in total.
All I could think was “What a pathetic amount”.
I contributed much more to care for my step kids when they were children and adults.
But here’s the real difference between me and my dad.
I wanted to help my stepkids.
I did it willingly.
I loved them.
I loved their mother and wanted to make her happy.
There were times, especially when the kids were adults, that I felt we shouldn’t subsidize their lifestyles for various reasons. Sometimes I would argue with my wife about this. But for the most part, I supported her decisions to give them money.
Father’s Day is just another Hallmark Holiday to me.