Back when I was in high school, a local radio station morning show would play a song with a hook that went like this:
“I like to hit myself in the head with a hammer, ’cause it feels so good when I stop”.
This is what using dating apps has become for me.
My interest is finding dates via apps is waning. I have met some interesting, attractive women. I’ve gone on dates with nearly a dozen women in the past 4 months.
What hasn’t happenned is any type of meaningful relationship. In fact, with only two exceptions, none of these have progressed beyond the first date.
I’m beginning to understand online dating better. Attractive women receive many messages and “likes” from men. I’ve read that they might receive 100-300 inbound messages in a few days.
So they sift through these messages, screen quickly to select their “top prospects”, go on dates with them and ignore the rest.
I suspect that for most women I “like/message”, I’m not in the “top prospect” category.
I know I’m not the best looking guy online. I don’t have professional photos. I’m not shown in any scenes skydiving, scaling Mt Kilimanjaro or scuba diving in the Caribbean.
I’m 53 and average looking.
I might be in the top 1% when it comes to body composition and fitness level, but even then, if I’m compared to 100s of men online, I’m sure there are others who have better 6 pack abs, whiter dazzling smiles and more chiseled Instagram-ready features.
I totally get it.
If I was sifting through 100s of inbound messages from women, I’d pick the most attractive, interesting ones to date too. There simply wouldn’t be enough time to even consider the rest.
The result, is that my “hit” rate of getting a response is 1-5%. Out of these, I might date 1/3 of them.
It’s a staggering low return. It’s actually worse than cold calling for sales.
It’s a lot like social media. I see images of beautiful people living seemingly fabulous lives who are not the least bit interested in me.
And so, I’m dropping out of online dating.
Just like social media, it’s not for me.
It doesn’t make me happy. Beyond occasional, random “successes” and distractions, I don’t enjoy the experience.
And most importantly, I’m not getting the results I want.
I was telling a friend this week that everything in my life is pretty fantastic except for online dating. I like being single. I actually like dating. But I’m done using the apps.
If that means I won’t be going on as many dates, that’s fine. If that means I won’t be going on any dates, that’s fine too.
I love the life I’ve built as a man living solo by choice. I think I can be very content living this way forever.
It feels even better now that I’ve stopped hitting myself in the head with a hammer.