At some point today, everything was wonderful. I woke feeling refreshed, was in the midst of a stellar workout, the sun was shining, it was warm and all was good in my world.
A few hours later, I was full of self-pity thinking “Is this it? Is this what my life has become? Is the all there is? What is the purpose of even being alive”
Nothing had changed.
As I walked my dog in the park, I thought about my day.
I woke up. Fed the dogs. Wiggles and I had a fantastic pre-dawn walk. I worked out – crushing it. I ate some food and then napped outside in the sun, waiting for the pool to open.
After swimming, I planned to play the drums, write a little, walk the dogs, maybe call my mom or a friend to chat and then eat dinner.
Is that it? Is that what my life has become?
Yes.
Most of the time, this is fabulous and I am fantastic.
But sometimes I am lonely. Or anxious. Or uncomfortable. Or tired. Or bored.
Sometimes I cannot stop thinking about Ellen and the life we once had together.
Sometimes I get mired in regrets for decisions I made and actions I took that at the time seemed reasonable and rational.
I have to do something when these thoughts become too much.
I keep moving forward with my routine- exercise, chores and activities.
Eventually my mind comes around