Until I began dating again, I forgot about something that used to happen to me. Back when I was falling in love with my (future) wife, she made my heart race.
It would race when I saw her. It would race when she smiled at me. It would race when she called me on the phone. It would race when I looked at her picture.
When I wasn’t with her, I was thinking about her. I’d go to bed thinking about her and I’d wake up thinking about her.
She made my heart race for almost 3 decades.
“Falling in love” transitioned to “being in love”. My heart racing became less frequent over time, but at times could be quite strong. It was wonderful.
When she died, my heart stopped racing.
Three years after my wife died, my heart began to race again for someone else. I thought there never would be someone else. I forgot what it felt like to go to bed thinking about someone, waking up thinking about her and having my heart race when she called (or in my case texted) me.
It felt great.
But now, after a few weeks, I’ve realized that although my heart races for her, hers does not race for me. That’s ok. It makes me sad, but it happens.
And so I’m back to searching for another woman to date.
My friends and family have all been supportive of me dating. They offer encouragement, support and advice. It is sweet.
I believe that if my wife could see me today, she would be happy for me. If she could talk to me, she would tell me to find someone to love who loved me back. She would also tease me and say, “Don’t be so serious all the time…you big a$$hole”.
I can’t wait until I meet the next woman who will make my heart race.