I was reading through some of my earlier posts from when I started this blog back in 2017. What stood out for me was how lighthearted these early posts were. I used self-deprecating humor and personal anecdotes with subtle humor in most of my posts. I remembered laughing when I wrote them.
My world was so different then.
About a year after I started the blog my wife was diagnosed with lung cancer and everything changed.
This was reflected in my writing. I stopped writing about business and quit sending out a weekly newsletter. I turned down consulting work because I needed to focus 100% of my time and attention on caring for my wife. Our lives were consumed with testing, treatments and medical red tape over the agonizingly next 8 months. Then she died.
I had stopped laughing long before then.
That was 7 years ago.
I’ve adjusted to living alone as a widower. I have a simple, quiet life with my two dogs. I’m content and at peace. I love my dogs, my daily routine and my home. It’s a good life.
And yet…
I’ve written more than 1000 posts since my wife died.
None are lighthearted.
And although my life is pretty good, I rarely laugh anymore.
I wonder if I ever will again or if the laughter died with her.
While writing this post, I received a text from the Birdwatcher that his wife had passed away after an extended period of declining health.
The timing was coincidental. Although sometimes it feels like I am always surrounded by death now. I am sad for him and for her.
