Living solo for the past two years I’ve become a smaller man.
- My weight has dropped to 135 lbs.
- I exchanged loose, bulky large sized clothes for form-fitting medium sized clothes.
- Without my wife around anymore, I go days without having a meaningful conversation. Some days, I only talk to my dogs.
I’m not complaining. I find my present circumstances rewarding and fulfilling – but smaller than I once expected.
I drive a small car.
I have two small dogs.
I live in a small house.
I’ve got a small set of hobbies.
I have a few close friends.
I don’t socialize much. I haven’t eaten in a restaurant in two years, gone to a movie in 4 years, or went on vacation with another person in 10 years.
I like to workout, walk, read, write, paint, drum and swim. So that’s what I do – almost ever single day.
I enjoy being with other people and cherish my conversations at the pool, on the trails and by phone.
But, with the exception of my late wife Ellen, I like being alone even better.
In the past, I never felt I lived a small life.
When it was just my wife and I – I felt we had a peaceful life. It was generally quiet, comfortable and predictable.
During different periods of time, my life felt big. It was packed with homework, after school activities, night school, work, overtime, medical treatments, child rearing, relocating, job searches, travel, vacations, pets, and the stuff of life.
When the kids lived with us, it was never a quiet life. They were boisterous and loud all the time. It was difficult for me to adjust to at times, but the big and loud family life was good too.
I’m not sure where I’m headed with this essay. I was thinking this morning about how physically small I’ve become when I started thinking about how small nearly everything is in my life today.
I have no grand conclusion.