Sometime after I hit my thirties, people started calling me Sir. Back then, it cracked me up. I’d tell them, “I’m not Sir, call me Steve” or I’d laugh and say “I’m not that old yet.”
Today, everyone calls me sir and I’m not laughing.
Now that I’m older, I am recognizing significant differences between the Generations. I’m solidly in the middle of Generation X. Most of the people I see on a daily basis are Boomers, Millennials, and Gen Z. (I suppose I see other Gen-Xers, but they look so old and out of shape that I think they are boomers).
Here are some of my daily observations about generational differences.
Driving
Boomers are slow and cautious. They drive below the speed limit. They often stop when yielding, slow down significantly in traffic circles and cause traffic backups at intersections because they are extra cautious when making turns.
Millennials and Gen Z drivers are speeders. They are tailgating, blasting through school zones and residential areas going 20 MPH over the limit, and throwing caution to the wind.
Both often need a beep to get moving when a traffic light changes. Boomers need it because they are so slow. Millennials need it because they are texting and didn’t notice the light changed.
Boomers weave side to side across lanes, put on the left turn signal, slow down to a crawl and then make a right turn, because they are lost or struggling to find a doctor’s office.
Millenials are weaving all over the road or going 25 MPH on an interstate because they are looking at their phone – always. Millennials don’t know what a turn signal is used for.
As for us Gen-Xers? We are the alert and competent drivers who pay attention, are confident, have good vision and reflexes. We’re the assholes honking our horns and shaking our heads at everyone else.
Self Service Checkout
If a touch screen is involved, like in a grocery store self-checkout, I never get in line behind a Boomer. They are guaranteed to take longer than anyone else. They painstakingly stare at the screen without making a choice. They are super slow at scanning barcodes. Then finally, when it comes time to pay they suddenly seem to realize they need to get their card out and do something.
Millennials are fast. While watching TikTok, they are scanning with their left hand and using their right hand to thumb out a text to someone. Millennials are so immersed in their phones that they probably don’t even realize they are in the grocery store.
GenXers are waiting patiently in line, sighing.
Pumping Gas
Here is where Boomers excel. They know what side the gas tank is on. They pull up, jump out of the car, grab the pump, hit a few buttons and use the gas pump trigger locks. While their gas is pumping, they clean their windshield and dump their trash. When done, they’ll drive over to the air station and fill their tires.
Millennials are still on their phones – talking and texting simultaneously. They pull up to on the wrong side of the pump then do a 20 point turn around, leaving their car at a 45 degree angle blocking the entire line and two pumps. Instead of pulling forward to the front pump, they haphazardly choose whatever one is closest to their car, forcing everyone else to pull around and then back up to get to the pump in front. By the time they figure out how to open their gas cap, select the fuel grade and actually pump gas, the Boomers have vacuumed out their cars and left.
Gen-Xers all still in line shaking our heads. Once we get to the pumps, we’re no BS. We have our credit card in hand as we jump out of our vehicles. We jam the nozzle into our tank, set the trigger for automatic fill, hit the buttons and then head into the convenience stores to buy a pack a cigarettes and a coffee.
Lap Swimming
Millennials at the pool have one thing in common – they are all swim team members. They are skinny and their skin is taut and wrinkle free. Out of the water, they have terrible posture and are hunched over looking at their phones or as they shuffle to their lane carrying a huge bag of gear. Once in the water, they tend to f**k around a lot. They look at their program card. They mess with their cap and goggles. They congregate at the end of the lane, chatting merrily with the other 3 Millennials sharing the lane. When they are swimming, they are amazingly fast, smooth and graceful. Most millennials are pasty white like alabaster. They think the sun is something that makes it hard to see their phone screen.
Boomers are dogged and predictable. They show up at the same time every day. They do the exact same workouts. They talk to the same people, park in the same space and never deviate. They often struggle to get in and out of the pool due to old age, joint and mobility issues, but they show up every day. Wrinkles and visible signs of age abound with this generation, obviously, but they don’t seem to care – especially the men who wear tiny speedos under their bulging bellies. Boomer women all smell like rose perfume. As they stroke along slowly with their heads above water and their caps with a big yellow flower on the side, their perfume flavors the air and water in the lanes next to them. The men all smell like Brut, Aqua Velva, or cologne that comes in a baseball.
Gen-Xers jump in the water quickly, start swimming and talk to no one. We’re doing the best we can to hold on to whatever fitness we have left and still get back to work before lunch hour is over. If you see a blue thorn tattoo encircling a man’s bicep or a rose tramp stamp in a slightly overweight woman, it’s a Gen-Xer.
Computers, Ipads, and Cell Phones
Millennials are surgically attached to their cell phones. They look at them when walking, driving, swimming, eating, hanging out with friends, eating, sitting, and during all other activities. They are constantly hunched over/ I’m convinced they often are unaware of anything going on around them. They will use an iPad occasionally to watch a movie. They can use any computer put in front of them.
Boomers, contrary to popular opinion, want to use technology. My mother, for example, upgrades her ipHone every year. She’s now on her 8th iPhone. Recently, she called to share some wonderful news with me. She said, “Did you know you can use your iPhone to browse the Internet? The man at the iApple store showed me how to do this today.” (this actually happened). My 86 year old neighbor texts recipes to her sister and gets photos from her grandkids on her iPhone. They all use Facebook.
GenXers use these devices for work, driving directions and streaming music. We have all quit Facebook and don’t trust anyone with our data. None of us use Twitter. Only those with children use TikTok. The rest of us think it is stupid people making bad videos.
The Great Outdoors
Millennials only go outside to get in a car to go somewhere. When outside, they are staring at their phone and texting.
Boomers men go outside to wash their cars and cut their lawns. They are constantly working on their lawns and gardens which are pristine. They make liberal use of pesticides, herbicides and other lawn treatments.
Boomer women are dedicated early morning walkers – but never alone. They walk in pairs or threes 5 days a week while talking incessantly to each other. Boomer women also sit on front porches and talk to passers-by.
Gen-X women and men are divided into two groups. Exercisers and Non-Exercisers. The Exercisers are relentless. We do the same thing every day – rain, snow, sun, cold, hurricanes, tornados. The women walk briskly while listening to podcasts and pumping their bent arms in strange ways in an attempt to lose arm fat. The men run or bike but never for pleasure. Men only exercise when fully outfitted in skintight Under Armor spandex, helmets, $1000 bicycles and $250 running shoes. We think this makes us look like Lance Armstrong and Usain Bolt.
Non-Exercisers are rarely seen exposed to the outdoors. In the morning, their garage door opens and they pull ou tin their car. At night, the reverse happens. Thus the Non-Exerciser has successfully avoided any contact with fresh air, sunshine or god forbid, exercise. One a week the non Exerciser mows his lawn and leaves leaf clippings scattered all over the sidewalk (unless he has a service). If there’s a piece of trash, a broken bottle or an old newspaper on a Non-Exercisers property, it will remain there until it decays. The Non-Exerciser can be seen on holidays and on the first warm day of spring, when he takes his dog and wife on their twice-a-year walk.
I could go on for days writing more about generational differences, but I won’t because it’s time for my scheduled morning exercise and dog walk.