During most of the first dates I had with women I met on the dating apps we had good conversations. Even during the dates that were somewhat like interrogations, our conversations flowed freely. We laughed and smiled a lot. We shared both casual and deep experiences. I was never at a loss for words and neither were my companions. I almost always left a date felt like we had a great conversation and connected on some level.
As evidenced by the “you’re a nice guy but I don’t feel any connection” texts sent by some of my dates, they didn’t always concur.
It occurred to me that perhaps the reason we had great conversations is because I am a good at it. My career in sales, my natural tendency to listen attentively, and my genuine curiosity, make me a good communicator.
What I missed was when my companions were much less interested in me, the conversation and building a relationship together.
Either I was so fascinated, intrigued or attracted to them that I was oblivious to any signals they were giving or they were not giving me clear signals. I suspect that both happened at different times.
It reminds me of when someone asks me about something I’m passionate about like my workout routine, drumming, my dogs or painting. I get excited and can babble on for quite a while unless I notice from their facial expressions that they are not that interested.
I tried to pay attention to this during my dates to keep the conversation flowing.
It was good practice.
I’ve solved my dilemma though. I’m no longer using dating apps and am currently not actively going on blind dates.
If I meet someone in real life who’s interested in dating me, I expect the conversation will flow like water and our connection will be easy and seamless – like it was with my wife and with my girlfriends before her.
And if I don’t meet that someone, that’s perfectly fine too. I’ve noticed that my conversations with friends, neighbors, family and even strangers seems to flow easily.