Since ending my road trip in 2019 and building a new life after losing my mind for a while when my wife died, everything has not been perfect. I’ve written before about the mistakes I made and regrets I have for some of my actions in the 6 months after she died when I was completely overwhelmed with grief.
Then, after I settled down in Raleigh, things got better. Looking back, it took me about 2 years before I emerged from grief stricken widower to well adjusted (or at least adjusting) single man.
But, despite the clarity of mind and purpose I now have, I still make mistakes all the time. My recent purging sessions put a spotlight right on them.
- I bought way too many shoes because they were “on sale”. Not once, not twice, but dozens of times.
- I started with a wardrobe of Large clothes because that was how I was used to dressing. Over time I added Medium sized clothes that at first felt restrictive. Eventually, I realized that I am a small man living a small life. I packed up my remaining Large clothes today for donation.
- I bought a non-powered push mower. A month later I returned it and bought a corded electric mower. Two years later I replaced the corded mower with a cordless one that is ideal. You’d think having had prior bad experiences with push mowers and endless aggravation wrangling with extension cords would have taught me to start with a cordless mower. Nope.
- I bought an acoustic drum set. While it fulfilled my childhood dreams and got me restarted on drumming, an electronic kit fits me better.
- I spent hundreds of dollars and many hours filling the cracks in my driveway with cement caulk to prevent weeds from spouting up every week. It sort of works. I have fewer weeds from the cracks. But it looks very sloppy, is coming out in places and makes the driveway and sidewalk look like a drunken man filled in the cracks. I’m pulling all of this out once the weather warms up.
As I was thinking about all of this today, I wasn’t disappointed. I made the best decisions I could at the times I made them. It’s easy to recognize the bad decisions in hindsight but in the moment, I’ll still be making them.
And if you keep reading my posts, you’ll undoubtedly hear about more of them.
