As I mentioned before, I dated a few women before I met my wife. I met these women at school, work, dances and when hanging out with groups of friends. We always got to know each other before I’d ask a girl out.
If she accepted, I never questioned whether or not she liked me or if I liked her. Of course we liked each other – otherwise we wouldn’t have gone out on a date!
There was always mutual attraction.
When I tried dating apps this year, my experience was much different. Initially, I assumed that any woman who went on a date with me was attracted to me (or at least to the pictures of me online) and that I was was attracted to her (pictures).
What I learned was that we both used our first date or two to see if we were attracted to each other. Most of the time, even if we liked each other, there wasn’t enough mutual attraction for us to continue dating.
I’ve concluded that dating apps aren’t for me. There’s something about the illusion of choice, the blind date aspect and my attractiveness (or lack thereof) that doesn’t work for me.
I think the biggest difference is that for me, attraction is built over time. Sometimes when I first met women in my pre-marriage days, I wasn’t interested in them at all. But after getting to know them I would feel an attraction build.
I suspect that feeling was mutual.
So that’s how I will date going forward – if I date at all.
That doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate or lust after beautiful women. Of course I do. I’m happy to admire them from afar and appreciate them without dating them.