When I am learning something completely new, I like to approach it the way I would a salad buffet back in my “eat anything” days: I try a little of everything first. Then I go back for seconds only for what I like. Getting a broad initial exposure and then applying discernment to narrow my…
Author: Steve Ainslie
Death Of A Special Woman
I was saddened to learn that a woman who once worked for me died in December 2021. Based on the public obituary notice, I suspect she died from breast cancer. I knew she had two daughters and estimated that one was now in college and the other in high school. I sent them the following…
Doing The Niggling Thing
Two women I dated this past month lived in a town 30 miles way from me. With traffic, that means every time I visited them, I’d be commuting for at least 2 hours and 60 miles road-trip. The Phone Caller was one of them. I really felt a connection with her. We had several good…
Funhouse mirrors, Photoshop and Winning Personalities
This past weekend I on two disappointing first dates. I guess I should have known better and been more skeptical, but I was not. I was fooled twice by edited photos and misleading profiles. I met both women on Bumble. Each had posted several attractive headshot photographs. Only one had a full body shot, that…
Too Many First Dates
In the past 3 months, I’ve gone on dates with 10 different women. Six times, we decided not to go on a 2nd date. Three times, we’ve gone multiple dates before deciding we weren’t a good match. As of today, I have a second date coming up this week with The Phone Caller (TPC). With…
I Don’t Do Casual
I stopped dating someone who I really liked a few weeks ago because she made it clear that she was only interested in casual, non-committed dating. When we had begun dating, I thought she meant that she wouldn’t commit to a monogamous relationship with me until she got to know me better. But that’s not…
An Alternative To Therapy
I have been listening to a lot of podcasts on dating lately. A theme that runs through many of them is the bad behavior of people using dating apps. There are many stories of ghosting, unsavory behavior, rudeness, and so on. Sometimes, the podcasts will interview people who’ve behaved poorly to ask why they do…
Meditation In Motion
Having gone on a bunch of first dates in the past two months, I’ve done far too much talking about myself. I try to ask questions of my dates. I’m genuinely curious to hear about their lives, their dreams and their histories. With a few exceptions, most of my early dating conversations have felt like…
Healing In Nature
When I went on the road to live in the wilderness, I thought that being alone in nature would heal me. I thought I would find bliss, peace and comfort after my wife’s death had destroyed my identity (husband, caretaker) and my world. I was grieving and I was broken. I didn’t know what else…
Trust Your Gut
After every date, it takes me several hours (or longer) to recover. Sometimes it’s because of my emotions. Sometimes it’s because I ate something disagreeable (sashimi one time, garlicky pasta another time). Sometimes it’s because I simply need time to return to my normal, upbeat baseline. Frequently I’ll call my friend Craig to talk about…